Magnified
You know those scenes in movies where everything just stops for a few seconds and the camera zooms in on the main characters face as they become completely dazed out? That’s what a diagnosis of cancer feels like and looks like. The world stops for a few seconds and you feel like you have just been put under a giant microscope’s magnification zooming in on you from the universe.
Why?
Because that happens to other people. Because just this morning everything was normal. Because I have other appointments today and next week. Because wait a minute, are they sure? Because, this can’t be happening to me and my family. A voice whispers in my mind. Then God’s voice, like Mufasa’s voice in the Lion King, rings out grandly and in perfect authority, why NOT you? Oh, yeah. You already taught me that one didn’t you, Lord? What else have I learned from the Lord over the last 20 years of intense bible study?
God is good at all times.
God wants the best for me at all times.
God will never leave me or forsake me under any circumstances.
Jesus died so that I could have eternal life.
Those are some of the biggest ones and I know many more,
but, I just don’t want this Lord.
I felt magnified by cancer.
Everyone will know I’m sick. Everyone will see me with no hair, and know I’m sick. Everyone will feel sorry for me because they know I’m sick. Everyone will make me cry talking about being sick. I can’t do any of my normal life now because I am sick. I will disappoint everyone because I am sick. I’ve lived most of my life trying not to be noticed. I have been an introvert’s introvert since birth. Now, they will know and I will stand out, I will be magnified. I hated that thought. Hated it.
Then I remembered the song God had been putting on my heart for a few months now. The song that when it was sung in church, I would close my eyes, sing out to God from my heart and I would raise my hands high in surrender to His will, whatever His will may be.
Christ be Magnified
Who is magnified? Me? No, not if I’m doing it right. Christ is to be magnified at the altar of my life. Well, I don’t know about you but I do not visualize my life as having an altar for sacrifice. I just don’t. Yes I TRY to obey God always. Yes, I try to give up my will for His will but a sacrificing altar, what the heck is that?
Cancer is the disease I have but my conduct through cancer is my sacrifice. His will for my will. I could go into this kicking and screaming. I could go into this thinking, woe is me, why me? I could go into this and come out scared, timid, paranoid, depending on doctors and scientists. I cannot change the diagnosis so what is the alternative? Then I knew, I could not let this disease magnify me, but take the spotlight off of myself and put it where it should be, on Christ. I was to Magnify Christ through this journey by my actions, my emotions and my words.
Christ be Magnified at the altar of my life, Christ be Magnified in me. Yes, Lord. Please let Christ be magnified in me. Let one person grow closer to you through my experiences. Let one person come to know you through my journey with this disease. Let me show your goodness to everyone, no matter what happens to me in this fallen world. Christ being Magnified is my main goal in life right now, my only true goal. When one of His children surrender to God’s will, and obey Him, anything could happen. Anything. God is in control. Let Him be Magnified.
Philippians 1:20-21 My eager expectation and hope is that I will not be ashamed about anything, but that now as always, with all courage, Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.
Challenge
Do people see me or see Christ when they hear my words, or see my actions?
Do my words or actions shame the Lord or bring Him honor as one of His children?
If God takes me out of this world through cancer, will people see cancer or will they see God because of things I have said or things I have done on this journey?